


Xo (I love you)

by tieanoosearoundmymind



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: 1st person, Based off of Xo, Emo, Gerard is a jerk, M/M, Mikey and Pete are gay, Pete's POV, angsty, petekey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 02:13:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12002793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tieanoosearoundmymind/pseuds/tieanoosearoundmymind
Summary: "Because in my experience the only way you know it's love is when it's over and you're stuck to your bed crying, because the one thing that you never realized made your feel complete is gone. And you're left with a big hole in your heart, and that doesn't get easily filled."





	Xo (I love you)

**Author's Note:**

> Well I'm back again with a new story hope you guys like it. As you can probably tell i am in deep Petekey hell right now. The summer of like. Petekey was real the government knows it. This is such a underappreciated ship that I love. The story is based off of the song "Xo" by Fall out boy, it's from the album From Under the Cork Tree and it's an amazing song that inspired me! The story is in first person point of view, and it's from Pete's perspective. It's not smut but there are mentions of like making out and like waking up in bed together..... Anyway enough of me rambling i hope you guys enjoy this and as always give me feedback in the comments and don't forget to drown me in that sweet sweet validation by leaving a kudo.   
> (wow much cringe) Hope you guys enjoy and read away......

I'm sitting on a bar stool my eyes looking up and down his body. He's not looking at me, but I know he knows I'm looking at him. He smiles at something Frank says and then he looks over at me. He gives me this look. This look that he knows gets me every time. I smile and take another sip of my drink. He excuses himself from the conversation that he's sharing with Frank, Gabe, Patrick, and Mark and makes his way to me. He sits across from me and orders a beer.

"Hey." He says 

"Hi." I respond.

He's wearing black skinny jeans and a clandestine hoodie. Pretty sure he's hiding a fall out boy shirt under that. 

"I've been trying to get you're attention all night Mikeyway." I tease

He smiles and takes a sip of his beer. 

He never smiles, the drugs he takes keep him locked away in this shell that he's encased himself in. I make him smile. His brother told me so. I never make anyone smile. Hell I can't even get myself to smile. So if I can do it for him. Then maybe I'm doing something useful for once. 

"How about we get out of here go do something else." He says

I'm not paying attention, I'm staring off into space thinking about how far his car is. 

"Pete." He says 

I get pulled out of my trance and look at him. He looks concerned.

"Yeah let's get out of here." 

We stand and I watch him walk out the door. The warm summer air wraps around me, grabbing my arms and pulling me in. He opens his car door and I get in the passenger seat. I put my feet on the glove box and stare out the window. Then I look over at him he's staring at me.

I lean forward and our lips are pressed together. My guts tighten up and my hand instinctively goes to his cheek, pulling him in closer. He nips at my bottom lip and my guts tighten more. I'm nervous, but I'm always nervous. 

"We have to get outta here." I say 

He nods and starts the car and in what seems like seconds we're out of the parking lot and on the highway. 

I roll my window down and look at the stars, dying and digging there graves as the sun gets closer and closer to coming back up. He looks over at me I can feel his eyes digging into the back of my neck, his gaze is piercing.

"Pete." He says.

I look at him. The moon is shining down on him, his pale white complexion looks almost ghostly in the white light.

I lean over and kiss his cheek. I keep running my lips over his face and neck but it's hard to focus on him when my brain runs about. I wonder weather or not this is love. I know that I feel something unexplained for him. So it has to be love right? But perhaps it's better if I don't know, because in my experience the only way you know it's love is when it's over. When you're stuck to your bed crying, because the one thing that you never realized made your feel complete is gone. And you're left with a big hole in your heart, and that doesn't get easily filled. 

"When do you go back on tour." I ask trying to distract my brain from that topic. 

"6 days."

I wince.

"Are you sure you can't just stay." I say already knowing the answer.

He smiles. But it's a sad smile. The kind of smile you put on to make the situation less heartbreaking.

He gets off the highway and I'm pretty sure we're at his house. He looks at me and I know where this night is leading. He presses his mouth against mine and we tangle each other's fingers in each other's hair. He unbuckles his seat-belt and somehow climbs on top of me. I'm laughing because he's long and lanky and honks the horn accidentally at least 3 times.

"You're so smooth." I joke 

He smiles again and presses his lips against mine again. My guts tighten again. Maybe that's love, when every inch of your body tenses up at the touch of someone else. 

I unbuckle my seat-belt and open the door to the car. He gets out and I follow. He fumbles with his keys trying to unlocking his house.

I'm kissing the back of his neck making his task that much harder. He gets the door open and pulls me in. As he pushes me on the bed and the night continues I realize that I am in love. Totally and completely in love. And in 6 days. It's gonna suck.

\-----------------------------------------------------

I wake up, sheets tangled around me the space next to me on the bed empty. I get up and grab a pair of pants that are on the floor not sure whose they are. I walk around his house until I hear yelling.

"Mikey we leave in 6 days you're gonna break your own heart and I'm sick of picking up the pieces." A voice screamed.

"Oh shut up Gee you don't know anything about love you have you're dick to far up Franks ass to understand anything about being in a actual relationship." Mikey spat

"Oh please you call this real?" Gerard scoffed

"This is a summer fling that you let get to far." Gerard said

"And you're gonna have to end it." 

"It's just a phase Mikey." 

"You're not gay." 

"You're not in love." 

"Get out." Mikey yelled

There was a door that slammed and the house was silent.

I stood there, in silence, not knowing what to do. Should I cry? Should I go outside and scream at Gerard? Should I scream at Mikey? I walked downstairs and into the kitchen to find Mikey smoking something, probably weed or coke. I'm staring at the floor.

"Baby." He said

"Did you hear-" 

"Every bit." I say

He takes the joint out of his mouth and walks over to me and kisses me. His mouth tastes dry and smokey. That makes me want to cry more. My throat clenches up. I pull away. 

"I'm gonna take a shower." 

He nods and I walk off. I run the water and fall into it. I drop down to my knees, tears falling down my cheeks.

"It's just a summer fling you let get to far." 

Those words are permanently burnt into me. There burnt into my head and into my heart, I don't forget these things easily. 

He thought I was a fling. And here I was thinking I was in love. 

I am in love.

I get out of the shower and put my clothes on. 

He's downstairs looking guilty smoking more.

"Can you drive me home." I say staring at the ground.

"Pete it's not true." 

"You're not just a fling." 

I nod. 

But I don't believe it.

Love never wanted me and somehow I managed to force it upon myself, and this is what I got.

He grabs his keys and we walk into the car. I manage to get to my house without breaking down or freaking out. He leaves I watch his car drive out of my driveway and I walk into my house and into my room. I fall down onto my bed and stare at the wall, tears coming down and out of my eyes. I always do this. Get attached to people that I think love me. Apparently a lot of time passes because there's a knock on my front door. I'm to tired to get it though. That's what I'm calling the depression now. I'm calling it tiredness, fatigue, lack of sleep. It's bullshit. The door opens and Mikey's in my room panting worried. I look at him. He's been sweating nervously. He looks like he just saw a ghost. 

"Why didn't you text me." He says upset.

"I was busy." I say

He looks at me sympathetically.

Like he gets it.

He doesn't fucking get it.

He pretends to because some bad shit happened to him. 

But he doesn't get it.

And I don't think he ever will. 

My bloods officially boiling. 

"God Mikey choose one." I yell.

I sit up and look at him angrily.

"What?" He says almost scared.

"Love or sympathy!?" I yell my voice is getting louder.

"Choose one!" I'm almost screaming.

He looks shocked.

"Do you love me or do you feel sorry for me?"

"Did you look at me and pity me so you said 'hey I'll get myself a fling!' Or do you love me?" I yell.

He's almost shaking.

I've never been this mad at him ever.

I start to shake crying and sink into a ball and look at the sheets.

In a few seconds I feel his hands by my cheeks and he kissed me, as tears still leak from my eyes.

"I love you." He says.

Are foreheads are pressed together.

"I love you too." I say.

He kisses me again and we lie down on my bed he's on top of me are hands tangle in each other's hair.

"You'll never be just a fling." 

\-----------------------------

I wake up this time In my own bed and he's next to me. The doors are locked so no one can come in and scream. I look over at him, the suns hitting his face and he looks beautiful. He squints and wakes up. He looks over at me and kisses me.

"Morning." He says 

"Morning."

He gets up and I lie there watching him walk around my room looking at everything brushing his fingers against platinum records. None of that means anything anymore though. Not when he's there looking as beautiful as he looks.

He opens a drawer. He picks up the Bible that's in there and looks confused.

"It's where I keep my conscious," 

"I like to leave it with something that might be a good influence." He nods. He knows I speak in metaphors, he doesn't always understand but he knows that it would take to much time to explain it. So he nods. 

"It never has done anything for me anyway." 

He smiles.

"I mean it's nothing like you."

"Doesn't call me when I'm down." 

He smiles even bigger and puts it back closing the drawer.

"Nah that Bible has nothing on me." He says

"No it does not Mikeyway." 

He falls back down on the bed and looks at me. For once he doesn't look so far away, he hasn't taken any drugs in a while. 

"You look good." I say tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear.

"What's that suppose to mean." He says smiling.

I shrug.

"You just look good." I say

He leans forward and kisses me.

"I love you." 

I press my forehead against his and close my eyes.

"I love you too." 

It's heaven, just us lying on my bed sheets tangled on us as we start making out and laughing. His phone rings and I lie next to him watching him sit up and talk to whoever is on the line. 

He starts to get up and pull on clothes. 

He hangs up.

"I have to go sorry." He says looking at me apologetically.

"Yeah yeah don't worry about it." I say nodding.

He leans down and kisses me and then he's gone. My front door closes and his car is gone and I'm alone. 

\---------------------------

Mikey hadn't called me for a few days now. So I got in my car and I drove to his apartment. There was another car in his driveway I figured it was Gerard or Frank or someone. I walk into his apartment and close the door softly behind me. I hear a noise coming from his bedroom, so I head over and I hear a girl. I hear a girl moan and then it's quiet. I know what I'm about to see as I open the door. There he is, my boyfriend, the man I love lying next to some girl I've never met, sweating and breathing heavily. He looks up shocked and his eyes widen once he sees me. I nod and walk away. He runs after me and grabs my hand.

"Babe please don't go please she doesn't mean anything." 

He keeps talking telling me how much he loves me and I stand there not listening.

"Please forgive me baby please." 

"Loose lips sink ships." I say looking at him.

"I loved you and you never wanted me." I say venom is dripping from my mouth. 

I walk out of his apartment and get in my car and drive away. 

I'm tired. So very tired. 

\---------------------------

My phone rings every hour, it's either Mikey begging for forgiveness or Patrick trying to figure out if I'm still alive. The truth is I don't know if I am, I don't feel alive, but somehow I'm still breathing. I'm back on my bed staring at the wall. The wall won't hurt me, the wall can't touch me, or break my heart, or tell me about how absolutely vile and repulsive I am. Because I am. I'm repulsive, vile, and I'm probably the cruelest person I know, because the way I talk to myself. Those are words that I have never heard one person call another person. I don't feel like a person anymore. People feel. I'm more like some weird mutant starfish. I just stick onto things that I like and I stay there till they throw me aside, then I find someone new to get attached to. My front door opens, and Patrick walks in. 

"Pete." He says quietly.

The wall can't hurt me, the wall can't hurt me.

"Mikey called." 

The wall can't hurt me 

"I heard what happened." 

The wall can't hurt me

"I'm sorry." 

"Me too." I say 

"I'm so fucking sorry." I say

Patrick sighs.

"Pete you need to talk to him." 

Patrick has just figuratively stabbed me in the gut.

"No." I say 

"Pete." He scolds.

"Pete he loves you." 

"I love a lot of things that I can't have," I say "he can join the club."

Patrick sits down next to my feet and pats my ankle.

"You can't do this Pete," he says angrily "you can't let him bring you down." 

I sit up.

"Patrick he already did." 

I fall back down on my bed and close my eyes and I go to sleep. 

\---------------------------------------

I wake up to the sound of someone in my kitchen. I get up and walk out and there's him. Mikey. He's cleaning. My heart skips a beat and my breathe hitches. It hurts to see him standing in front of me. He hurts.

"What are you doing here?" I ask staring at him uncertain.

He turns around to face me and he looks nervous.

"I'm here to see you and and to tell you I-I'm sorry." He says 

"And that I love you." 

"And I want you around." He says

He looks so guilty like he's been called a bad dog. 

"You leave tomorrow." 

He takes a few steps closer.

"Come with me." He says 

He cups my face.

I shake my head.

"No." My voice breaks and I clear my throat.

"No." I say stronger.

"Not after what you did to me." 

Mikey nods.

"I'm sorry for what I did baby." He says he looks so upset. He looks far away again, and he's not smiling and he's not ok. And he looks like he's breaking. And i know what it's like to be broken so once again I throw my feelings aside and I reach up and I kiss him hard. 

He wraps his arms around me and the rush begins.

Breathing patterns change and what he did to me kind of gets pushed to the back of my mind. Because he's here. And we're back to where we were. And I love him. 

\-------------------------------

I wake up the next morning to find him in my bed again. He's beautiful like always. He's always beautiful.

But then I remember. He cheated on me. I get up and get dressed and I wait a second and I look at him. He's perfect and beautiful and I want to lie next to him and forgive him. Mikey wakes up and he looks at me. He looks sad. Today's the day. Today's the day that I know for sure that I am in love. Because today he leaves. 

"Come back." He says sleepily.

So I do, I forgive him, I lie with him, I let myself forget he was leaving. We spend the day in a puddle on my bed not making out or having goodbye sex. Just lying there snuggled up together occasionally kissing. Then his phone rings.

I flinch.

Mikey kisses my forehead and picks up the phone.

He hangs up and looks at me sadly.

"I have to go." 

I nod.

"I know." 

He gets dressed and kisses me one more time.

Once he's gone I get up and on my kitchen counter there's a note.

 

Dear Pete,

 

XO

 

I love you. 

And that is when I know that I am in love.


End file.
